Am I White Trash?
So, over the weekend I dove into working on my ‘71 VW Bus that I am attempting to restore. During the process I took a little break. I was sitting in my garage, doing body work, drinking a Miller High Life (not Genuine Draft, not Miller Lite, High Life, the Champagne of Beers) out of a 24 oz. can mind you, smoking a cigar and wearing sweat pants. My hell, I am white trash.
On a side note, colon cancer patients regularly experience irregularity. It has been more than one month since I took a regular shit. I’m either constipated or shooting vapor out my ass. It has been even worse since the stent placement in my liver for some reason. After chemo I always have five days of constipation and squeezing out rocks. I’m really talking rocks. In fact, I’m saving some of the shit to use as body filler in my bus as it is more durable than the original sheet metal. Then, after 5 to 8 days of constipation I switch gears to the runs. Now, I’m not trying to justify my irresponsible behavior here, but whenever I smoke a cigar it gets the bowels moving. I mean within 2 minutes I’m ready to hit the bathroom. Is there something medicinal here?
I would love for my docs to start prescribing cigars.
March 9th, 2010 at 8:00 am
‘Medicinal Cigars’ is a slippery slope into support of communism. Look what happened in California with pot…..storefront Sensimilian from countries we do not share common values!!! What next? Sidle up to Castro as a back door Havana Gold Outlet Store? All in the name of constipation? Where does it stop? Will Poppies replace Poinsettias at Christmas?
Hmmm. Maybe you’re on to something here Matt. Let us know when you open your first store.
March 11th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
My husband uses cigarettes as a laxative. He also regularly consumes an entire bag of Doritos as a “meal”, is a frequent flyer at McDonald’s and loves good scotch. Yet I’m the one with cancer - go figure. And yeah, cigars with the scotch. Me? I gave up cigars (and the port I drank with them - hey, no white trash here) years ago as I just couldn’t get that “taste” out of my mouth. As my brother describes it - the little man that comes and shits in your mouth while you’re sleeping.
I’ll pass on the cigars, but hey, whatever works is my philosophy. For my ex-sister in law, it was a McDonald’s cheeseburger. As for me, I’m still looking for that magical medicine that gets things moving.
March 18th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Since when is a bag of Doritos not a meal?