Christmas Colonoscopy

So, I’m still waiting out for Sir Sphere therapy to my liver.  A few weeks ago I had a stent placement by endoscope to open a bilary duct.  The intervention radiologist wants my liver function better before he starts hitting it with radiation.  So, I get a call today from the doc who says that looking at the recent CT Scan I still have a 2/3 blockage of bilary ducts even with the stent. That would explain the itching and jaundice.

So, a new procedure.  The doc wants to do a minor surgical procedure where he installs a drain tube from the bilary duct to the colon. Ok, sounds cool. However, there is a 40% chance it wont work and they will have to PERMANENTLY drain bile into an external bag, like a colostomy.  Except, rather than shit you are draining bile.  I have to say this spooks me a little.  I know people live with colostomies, but I am still a little worried.  I don’t think I have many options here, so I will probably schedule it within about a week.  Crossin my fingers because it works just as good as prayer.  Out.

I hope you heard the Howard Stern Show today.  The King of All Media recently underwent a colonoscopy. 

He went through the whole colon prep thing “shooting water out his ass” right up to the time of his appointment.  If you listen to Howard you know that he often complains of his abnormally small penis.  His primary concern was that the female staff would see his small junk.  Also, being an extremely neurotic germaphobe this procedure drives him crazy. He could barely use the public restroom at the doctors office and was concerned that the scope would have someone else’s poop on it and he would catch some disease.  He told the doctor he was nervous and the doctor said “of course your nervous . . . we are going to put you to sleep and stick stuff up your ass.”

You had to hear it to appreciate it.  But Howard did a great thing by stating that despite his complaints “it really is nothing” and highly recommended the procedure.  I’m glad he got a clean bill of health and helped get the word out.

We love ya Howard.

Yes, more irresponsibility this week. Last Friday I had yet another Endoscope to place a stent in my bile duct. A GI doc at Huntsman Cancer thought he could do it even though my local doc failed.  He was right.  The dude knew how to run that scope. I bet he is good at video games too.

I went up a few days early because I had to meet the doc the day before. Then my wife’s little brother, my “Ambassador of Good Times,” says “hey you want to go listen to some live bluegrass tonight.”  Sure. I can’t say I am necessarily a fan of the genre, but live music is generally good music regardless. I have to say it was fantastic.  It wasn’t a bunch of cowboys, but a hip cozy little bar with 20 somethings playing bluegrass loud, hard, and fast.  It was sweet. My brother-in-laws friends found it quite comical that I was out at a bar the night before a 6:00 am medical procedure. Hey, all the doc said was no beer after midnight (actually I think he may have said nothing to eat or drink).  So, I sipped that last Polygamy Porter, probably one too many (pun intended), just before the stroke of midnight.  The show went on putting me to bed about 2 a.m. with a solid three hours of sleep before the procedure.

After the procedure the doc said “clear liquids only for the rest of the day.” 

“Is beer a clear liquid?”

“No”

“What about light beer?”

“No”

“OK, I will stick to Gin and Tonic for the rest of the day”