Beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I’m alive! I’m sorry to my reader (singular) that it has taken me so long to post. You probably thought I was pushing up daisies by now. It has been an adventure.
My surgery was performed at the University of Utah Medical Center and I recuperated at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. I actually live about a 4 hour drive from SLC.
I went in for surgery on July 2 and was scared shitless. The doctors all came filing in each recomending I do a epidural like it was on sale or something. I have a personal aversion to sharp things in my spine but went with it anyway. I was amazed that the sharp stick in the spine was not too bad and gave some pretty amazing pain relief.
I came out of surgery and was ambulated over to the cancer institute for recovery. However, shortly after my potassium when through the roof and caused my heart to start doing some weird shit. Doctors were all over me like flies on shit. I looked at my family and said “if I was not so drugged up I would probably be shitting my pants.” But I really didn’t care much. I was shipped back to the U of U Intensive Care Unit for the night.
After things stabilized I was back in the swanky comfort of the Huntsman Cancer Institute. If you are going into the hospital this is the way to do it. Private spacious rooms, flat screen TV, topless nurses. Sorry, I was on a lot of Oxycotin. Speaking of which, how do people take that shit recreationally? I was out of my fucking mind, and not in a good way. I had the most vivid detailed dreams of my life and mostly morbid. I had a hell of time telling the difference between reality and delusion. I actually called the nurse in to adjust my cathedar one night only for her to inform me that it had been removed days ago.
After a 10 day stay I was released and made the 4 hour trek home by car. The next day my incission opens a gaping hole. Then, the next day my 40+ pounds of retained water was not dropping and I was turning yellow. My wife called the doc in SLC who suggested that we “drop in” and get checked out. It’s a little hard to do a proper “drop in” when you live 4 hours away. “Yeah, we were just going out for fucking ice cream and we will drop in for a minute.” So, we went into the local hospital. What was there answer? We are sending you back to SLC by Ambulence. Are you shitting me? I would rather drive myself. Nonetheless, I travelled to SLC strapped to a gurney. Any liver I had left surely jiggled loose on that ride. 2 more days in the hospital and now I’m home feeling a little better.
So, thats my story.